.  Oh I don't wanna be alone and far from home ...  .

zerofoursix

.  ... 'Cause I'm exhausted and it shows.  .

ro. they / them. 30↑. biro ace.
long time selfshipper, i ship mostly with my ocs and game and vn characters from 10-15 years ago._©

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current main: r!ren

hobbies. ttrpgs ; rhythm games ; visual novels ; foraging in the woods ; journaling ; photographylikes.  buying trinkets ; hole-in-the-wall restaurants ; his niece and sister ; cooking for others ; swimming ; frogs ; fungidislikes.  ceos ; himself ; his parents ; horror ; waking up with low blood pressure ; hardstyle music (overstimulating) ; the fact that he can't keep a steady relationshipfears & phobias.  being alone ; hurting people he cares for ; feeling stuck and surveilled ; abandonmentwishes & dreams.  help sick and disabled people under his care ; find and marry a romantic partner who he can be himself around ; learn to be more optimistic ; cultivate a better self-image

ren. ren grew up near the coasts of maine with his overbearing parents and his younger sister cass. their parents were strict with him and pushed him to be the best he could as the eldest child, while they were more lax (but less attentive) with cass. this pit the two against each other; he wanted her comparative freedom, and she wanted the attention he received. once they grew up, they reconciled and have since become close.when he wasn't studying or working on school work, he was wandering through the nearby woods. he was fascinated by the fungi that grew there, which would later lead to him specialize in microbiology and mycology in his medical career. it would also spark his journaling and photography hobbies; he would write about and take photos of the interesting things he found.when it was time to consider college options, he sought out medical schools in the south, unconsciously hoping to escape the grasp of his parents with the distance. in the end, they still kept as tight control as they could manage, but he had enough freedom to choose to pursue a medical specialty that he held interest in, despite its lower income level. he eventually found his way into working at a large university hospital with a team-approach to diagnosis and treatment, where he both attends to patients in a clinical environment and does research when his colleagues are doing the clinical work. he's well-known among his patients for being kind, friendly, sociable, and caring.he masks heavily around others to project the idea of the, "perfectly approachable guy," in front of patients, coworkers, partners, managers, owners of businesses... anyone and everyone. his parents instilled the fear that if he can't appear perfectly put-together, then nobody will give him the time of day. underneath the mask, he's fairly pessimistic, and while he's very patient, he's also quite vindictive once he reaches a certain level of disdain. this is especially true in the workplace, where he wants to provide the best possible care for his patients but is held back by the financial and operational decisions of people who don't care about anything but money.ren spends his off-time wandering the city and looking for hole-in-the-wall restaurants and activities, and as he wanders he window shops for interesting little trinkets to decorate his apartment. he likes to spend as much time as possible out and about, to avoid the quiet and loneliness of the apartment. he's tried time and time again, seeking dates on apps to try to fill his desire for a partner, but all of his efforts have ended fairly quickly -- sometimes due to the other person, and sometimes due to ren's overbearing attempts to be a "perfect partner." he now has anxiety about starting a new relationship in spite of his want to fill the romantic void, for fear it will end poorly once again.

self insert. ro is visting from out of town to seek help from the hospital ren works at. they live far enough away from the city to warrant renting a hotel room to stay in until they have received all of the help they can get. ren meets them by chance in the halls as they're leaving an appointment with one of his colleagues. they have a beato umineko keychain on their bag, which he immediately recognizes, and they get to chatting.after a couple of chance meetings, both in the halls of the hospital and out on the city streets, they become friends, chat online, and have weekly friend dates (which may consist of ren taking ro to interesting places around the city, or, if one of them is too exhausted for outings, ordering takeout and watching movies). ren starts to realize he likes ro after a few friend dates: he wakes up, having tangled himself around them after they both fell asleep during a stay-in date... and he doesn't want to move away from them. he realizes he's okay with remaining friends until the day one of them dies; he wants a relationship, but fears it will crash and burn like all of his past relationships, and the thought of losing this connection -- the greatest happiness he's felt in years -- is something he dreads.his eventual confession is an accident. they're getting dinner together at a rooftop restaurant and discussing the finer points of the umineko series over drinks. ren's a lightweight and doesn't realize how much he's drinking, because he's so engaged in the conversation. near the end of dinner, they both decide to stand next to the rails around the perimeter of the roof and view the lights of the city. he looks over at ro, and the way the lights reflect in their eyes, and he can't look away... and without thinking, he quietly asks, "hey ro... can i kiss you?" he almost immediately realizes his mistake, takes it back, rushes to pay for the bill, and calls a car to silently drive them back to the hotel. ren's in panic mode, fearing he just ruined his treasured friendship in one moment of weakness.once they arrive at the hotel, ro holds his hands and leaves him with this: "ren, i won' kiss you now, because you're drunk. i'm... worried that it was a spur-of-the-moment beer-goggles thing n' you'll regret wanting to kiss me tomorrow. but, if you wake up tomorrow n' sober up n' still don't regret it... try again. i'll, uh... have a different answer for you," before giving him a small cheek kiss and climbing out of the car. they're officially dating within the next 24 hours.after dating for several months, ren begins carrying around a ring box in his pocket, waiting until ro's fully comfortable in the relationship to take it out. it becomes a comfort item for him to stim with when he needs to calm down... and it's even more of an emotional lifeline when ren and ro are forcibly separated for a couple of years due to circumstances; no way to contact each other, no idea when they can be together again.

doc!ren. over a year later, while still dealing with the aftermath of their separation, he and his team are put in harm's way by the incompetent higher-ups and money-makers at the hospital, exposing them to mycotoxins during research hours due to lax safety protocols and less money put into protective measures and materials. he impulsively attempts industrial sabotage as an act of revenge, but it backfires massively, and he must come to terms with the danger he put so many people in by trying to reverse the damage and make things better. then... ro returns. and he has to work through all of the things he's felt over the past couple of years all over again, as well as the fear that ro will immediately leave as soon as they know what he did.villain!ren. in this verse, the mycotoxin ren is exposed to is a somewhat sentient hivemind, one that subtly picks at his feelings and decisions to foster his most negative impulses. visually, his eyes will glow a bright blue and red, and a dark, viscous, almost oily liquid will stream from his nose. physically, he has chills, weakness, pain, and flu-like symptoms, as well as neurological symptoms such as heightened anxiety and paranoia. he starts to isolate, pulling himself further into his negative emotions regarding ro's absence and the hospital's negligence, until he starts to rationalize and excuse his vindictive mindset and take actions influenced by the creature inhabiting his body. by the time ro returns, the city feels completely different. now ren, shocked a bit to his senses, has to decide whether he truly thinks his actions have been justified, or if he's gone completely off the deep end to a place where ro will not follow.* FYI: v!ren's illness is based heavily on things i personally experience due to chronic illness partially caused by babesiosis, a parasite similar to malaria... though mine is less supernatural, of course. it causes many of the same physical and neurological issues, and he is the character i use to work through some of these things. his story leans into the ways parasites that target the brain can alter your outlook, behavior, and personality, as well as the absolutely wild, conspiracy-oriented mindsets of naturopaths (scammers) i've been exposed to and the ways they use cult-like recruitment tactics and your desperation to slowly shift your own views.he is not meant to represent any other stigmatized neurological condition or neurodivergence, and i will not elaborate further on his story until i'm confident enough that it will not be read as such, as that is not my lane to step into. so, i apologize for the vagueness!

hobbies. model kits ; ttrpgs ; visual novels ; journaling ; photography ; craftslikes.  his niece and sister ; caring for chickens ; being silly and goofy ; swimming ; learning to cook ; being as close as physically possible with his partner ; frogsdislikes.  work ; his parents ; horror ; hardstyle music (overstimulating) ; customers ; being forced to do other peoples' work for them ; working overtime ; ro's familyfears & phobias.  being alone ; hurting people he cares for ; scaring people with his intensity ; having to go back to his parents for help ; being stuck at a dead-end job for the rest of his lifewishes & dreams.  find and marry a romantic partner who he can be himself around ; get a better-paying job (so he could be better support if ro loses disability benefits in marriage)

r!ren. he had the same childhood as doc! and v!ren, but when it came time to leave for college, he stopped all contact with his parents and never looked back. he took a variety of jobs as he moved from location to location, slowly migrating until he lived in the same general area as cass, who decided he should move in to save money. now he works at the local kroger supermarket and spends his free time playing with his niece or helping her care for their small backyard chicken coop, building model kits, reading visual novels, and meeting with work friends to get high and play ttrpgs.he became closer with his grandparents once he cut contact with his parents; they facetime regularly, and as they mostly speak (canadian) french, he learned to speak fluently to bridge the communication gap. aside from cass and his niece, they're his go-to for emotional support.he's more headstrong and his temperament is much more volatile than doc! and v!ren. he matches the energy of the person he's speaking with; this leads him to get into both verbal and physical fights when someone is an asshole to him or to someone around him. also unlike the other rens, who bottle up their emotions until they explode, he lets go of these feelings quickly. he gets riled up in the moment and, as soon as the energy settles, he brushes it off and moves on like it didn't happen.he's also flirtier and much more intense about his affections, wanting to physically show all of his affection as it starts to overflow. he has a better idea of his place in a relationship than the other rens; he's had time to unlearn lessons taught by his parents, so he recognizes when he's done something to end a relationship and when the other person has done something to end it. this means he isn't as strung-up about perfection in a relationship or about starting or ending them; he takes things as they come. however, once he enters a loving relationship that feels like a true, genuine, equal connection, he becomes scared at the idea of losing it; he knows he can be difficult to deal with, with his intensity and his volatility, and he fears that one day he'll lose this perfect match. so when he does mess something up, he panics and goes overboard with his apologies and intent to make things right.

self insert. while grocery shopping, ro seeks help from ren; they can't find a specific ingredient, as the store recently renovated and moved shelves around. he chats with them while guiding them to the correct shelf, and before he can leave them to their shopping, he notices the beato umineko keychain on their bag. they begin mutually infodumping about the series in the middle of the store; to find a fan of a niche series with the kinds of themes it has in such a conservative rural location is a miracle. they do eventually have to split so ro can finish shopping, but he makes a point to work as the bagger when they're checking out and offers to walk them to their car and help load their groceries in. he then asks if their can exchange contact information; he doesn't want to lose the chance at befriending someone who has such similar interests.their friendship quickly evolves, as r!ren is much more open to starting a relationship than doc! or v!ren are. their online chatting becomes frequent (and lengthy) enough to warrant meeting in person to talk more openly over food and drinks, and so they plan their first in-person get-together... but it gets cancelled, as ro is completely bedridden that day. ren asks to visit them instead, and once work is over, he picks up some healthy food (and a couple of sweet treats) to give to them to help them build up their physical and mental strength. when he arrives and enters their room, he finally sees what ro means when they say they struggle with chronic issues, and he recognizes the same kind of stubborn perseverance in them that he has. he immediately begins mentally planning outings they could take that would accommodate ro's needs and make for a more enjoyable time during future get-togethers.after this visit and the emotional vulnerability they show each other, it only takes a couple of friend outings for him to want to ask them out and become physical. he's moving so fast that it starts to worry himself -- he wants to visit ro whenever he's free, when they're together he's tense from the desire to show intense physical affection, and once he starts it becomes hard to stop, like his emotions are all overflowing. he feels like he doesn't know where this intensity is coming from, and he fears it might scare ro away, so he has to learn how to rein it in and show more control over his emotions than he's used to.

hobbies. photography ; research and writing ; crossdressing ; fortune telling (only for people close to him) ; magic tricks ; star-gazinglikes. connecting to others through his journalism ; meeting all kinds of new people during his travels ; pranks ; flirting ; going on walks ; spoiling his loved ones ; robotsdislikes.  conformity ; familial expectations ; staying in one place ; the way he keeps himself on the edges of friend groups to protect himself from emotional vulnerability ; cold ; loneliness ; people who solve problems through violencefears & phobias.  being placed under his someone's control ; growing apart from his friends ; not being able to keep promises ; scaring people away with his pastwishes & dreams.  travel the world ; try new things ; find someone he can connect to beyond his performed persona ; remain part of his friends' families ; one day have his parents acknowledge his achievements, even if they don't want to reconnect

oushirou. raised in a well-off house, with parents who worked in the family business of western fortune telling, which he was expected to also enter into as an adult. while growing up and learning the sorts of skills he would need for his eventual fortune telling work, he also found himself enjoying the practice of researching going-ons and reporting them to his parents like he was doing a news program. his parents encouraged this while he was still young, their expectation being that it was a kid thing, he would grow out of it, and he would continue pursue his true path. once he grew older and realized he preferred journalism over fortune telling, however, their relationship changed. he was sent to seigetsu high school, an all-boys boarding school in a remote region, in which all courses were aimed at training students for careers involving the stars. astronomy, astrology, eastern and western fortune telling, engineering to build rockets... an eclectic set of lessons, but oushirou's parents believed learning there could set him straight.instead, he rebelled. he grew out his hair, he hung out with violent groups of students, made many poor decisions... until he was saved one day. he was sitting in a windowsill on an upper floor of the main building, and one of his "friends" accidentally nudged him. he began to fall backwards when another student -- kazuki, a rough but overall good guy who oushirou found annoying -- ran up, pulled oushirou out of the way, and ended up flying out of the window himself. he was hospitalized for a decent amount of time and had to be held back. oushirou was shocked that someone who was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger would do that for him. he began to talk to kazuki, formed a bond, did some things to get himself held back just like kazuki, and they became fast friends (and, eventually, oushirou would develop a crush on him).oushirou started to pull himself together, avoiding the groups of people he used to be around and cultivating an image of a "silly guy." in this way, he was more approachable as the "weird but friendly upperclassman", but was also given enough space to do his own thing. he joined the newspaper club, where he could not only do the kind of writing, photography, and research he most enjoyed, but could do all-nighters to have space and time for himself. once tsukiko joined the school as part of the school's test to transition from an all-boys to a mixed gender school, kazuki pulled her, hayato, and (the following year) tsubasa into working as part of the student council, where kazuki was president. and so, the winter crew was formed. the student council and oushirou built a special bond together, but when asked who was who in the metaphorical family dynamic they had, oushirou was named as the "pet" -- part of the family, but Not The Same. he was jealous of how close all of them were, and how he was on the fringes of this group.he took all of this in stride, though. oushirou helped all of the members through their struggles, using his story-telling skills to inform them of things that would cheer them up or give them the drive to move forward. and after graduation, he still regularly hangs around at kazuki's family's home when he isn't busy.he entered college, studying journalism and traveling often for journalism school trips. he officially cut contact with his parents, freeing himself of their "weight" on his back, graduated from college, and became a world renowned journalist and photographer. he now travels all over the globe, using his multilingual skills to get in-depth information that translators would just complicate or lose nuance in their translations. people know him for how approachable and friendly he is and how his charms attracts many business relationships and friendships alike.in the back of his mind, though, he's still searching for someone he can spend his life with. he may be casually flirty and friendly, but he so badly wants that strong connection with someone who will understand him and all of his eccentricities.

self insert. ro worked at an organization oushirou was set to write an article on, and was chosen to show him around to photograph the organization's work. oushirou enjoys getting to know people on an individual basis and asked them about themself to build rapport. they both quickly realized their temperaments meshed together well, and so they began meeting during off-hours under the guise of work, which slowly morphed into a genuine friendship.they kept in touch even when oushirou's away, traveling for other work, which lead to them mutually crushing on each other. eventually, the winter crew pushed oushirou to confess, and they began a long distance relationship. at some point, ro had to quit their job due to their health, so when he's back to visit, oushirou makes a point to bring interesting trinkets and recipes with him from wherever he's been. he'll then spend evenings cooking with ro and sharing stories about the places he's been; it helps them feel a bit more connected with the world, despite their isolation from it.